Bad Things Can Happen To Sunshine People
by CallMeLy
Summary: Mighty Boosh/Luxury Comedy crossover. Noel and the gang return from the Evening With Noel Fielding tour to find some changes around Painted Hawaii, and a few new - or rather, old - characters begin to appear. But what's causing the changes? Where did these people come from? And what is with these sudden headaches? Rated T for some swearing, minor violence and dark themes.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Thanks to my friend Abi for the title~

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><p><span>Prologue<span>

And then it was over.

The final show of the tour was over and done with and it had been incredible. The fans had rushed the stage – we'd seen it all through our real selves' eyes. It's a strange experience, knowing you're not entirely real, but you're not entirely fictional either. And then there's knowing there are others. More characters behind that other you. All of us looking through the same eyes, getting one last taste of reality before we returned home.

And really, this kind of reality was alright. The kind of reality where people were just enjoying themselves, enjoying something together. But we wouldn't be staying for much longer. It was almost time to head back to Painted Hawaii.

The fans retreated out of the theatre and as our real selves walked offstage together, each of us separated from them. The Chief, Gordon the Triangle and Antonio Banderas stood in Tom's place, Hawkeye, Steph and Ravi in Mike's, and Fantasy Man, New York Cop and me in Noel's. We were left unseen, but when Noel cast one last look back at the stage, I could have sworn he saw us standing there, his creations. And me. His reflection. I gave a small wave goodbye and he smiled softly before turning away again and following the others backstage. Watching them go, I let my mind wander for a moment. The last few shows had seemed to go by in a blur, a sense of familiarity, of something lost, buzzing in the back of my head, but the rest of the characters didn't seem fazed at all. Was it only because I was connected to my real self? Were these his thoughts?

I blinked twice, clearing my mind again, and looked up at where the Moon (and his Dark Side) had hung, but the light was gone now. He must have already floated back to wherever it was he came from. I turned to the rest of the group.

"Well then. Looks like it's time we head home as well, yeah?"

They all gathered around me at centre stage, Fantasy Man instantly perking up.

"Splendid!" he looked at me, "Shall we do the honours?"

I glanced back at Joey Ramone's door into the Plasticine World and shivered. No way was I gonna go back through there. I had enough emotional scars from that place, on top of Joey's obvious hatred of me. I didn't have the energy to deal with that again. Maybe not ever. I simply nodded and he got to work forcing everyone to hold hands and assigning them to either his or Big Chief's "teams".

"Ready Big Chief?"

"Yeeessssss."

_Oh, Christ, this was bad enough the first time. _I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed the heels of my palms against them. My head was aching.

"_Let us enter the Fantasy Zone!_"

"_Yeesss!_"

The rest of the team reluctantly joined in as Fantasy Man and the Chief danced around on the spot and waved their hands, firmly clasped around each other's', as well as Gordon's and Steph's, who were looking less than pleased.

_Well, those two won't be hanging about much longer._

Once Antonio had disappeared into one of the action fantasy worlds, and Gordon and Steph had decided to take a holiday in Wonderland (good riddance), there were enough Arnolds to transport the rest of us across the Fantasy Zone to the portal to Painted Hawaii with Hawkeye and Ravi sharing Arnold 1. While Fantasy Man, Big Chief and New York Cop chatted about the tour, and Hawkeye and Ravi played Squares, I rode on in silence. I still couldn't shake that weird feeling of nostalgia and I still didn't even know what I was feeling nostalgic for. There must have been something to set this off. But what had happened in that last week or so of the tour that was different? Something had happened, but the memory wasn't all there, like my real self had taken it with him, like he'd wanted to keep it completely to himself. It can't be easy to do that when there's another you in a fantasy world. Of course some of that's gonna come through to my side.

Arnold 3 suddenly came to a stop and I looked up to find we'd reached the portal and the others were dismounting their own Arnolds. The Chief was leading New York Cop, Hawkeye and Ravi through while Fantasy Man stood watching me. Before I could follow the others through the portal, he stopped me, giving me a concerned look.

"Is there something the matter, my good friend?"

I looked back at him for a moment, hesitating.

"What d'you mean?"

"You were rather quiet on the journey. In fact, you have been more than a little withdrawn for this past week. Is something perhaps troubling you?"

"It's nothing. Just headaches. I think the tour's just worn me out a bit, that's all. Nothing to worry about."

I brushed off the questions casually and went to move past him but he grabbed my arm, turning me back around to face him again. His expression turned serious and his voice was hushed and cautious.

"If my suspicions are correct, I believe I have been having the same strange feelings that you have been experiencing. There is something weighing on your mind, is there not?"

"Look, I really don't think it's anything to worry about. If you've been getting the same feelings, you're probably just tired as well. I'll see you later."

I pulled my arm away and ducked into the portal, seeing the Chief coming back from escorting the others and giving him a short nod without stopping. I didn't need to stop.

I didn't need to talk to Fantasy Man.

I was _perfectly fine_.


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Time for the story to get started properly. Sorry this one isn't much longer than the prologue. And it's gonna be in third person from now on. Enjoy~

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

Noel was tense and distant when he arrived at Luxury Coffee that morning. His headache had been growing worse after returning to the island the night before, and Fantasy Man had been way too worried about it. The pain had kept him up for hours, completely cancelling out the "just need some sleep" solution. By now it had subsided enough for him to get on with his life, but he was feeling fed-up regardless. Which was mainly Fantasy Man's fault. He'd acted like something was going on, and he said he was having the same "feelings" Noel had been having. Whatever he thought Noel was feeling, he couldn't possibly be going through the same thing. Not with his constant enthusiastic and cheerful attitude.

He ignored Dolly and the others as he moved behind the counter and threw on his apron, but evidently Andy wasn't having it and appeared in front of him the moment he turned around.

"Captain Fantasy has returned once again!" he was excited… and loud. _So fucking loud._ Noel shut his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm his throbbing head and not take his frustrations out on Andy, who was bombarding him with questions: "How was the tour? Did it go well? Were you kidnapped by any psychotic fans? Did you bring me a souvenir? Noel, why are your eyes closed? Did you forget my souvenir in reality? What was it like being in reality for so long?"

The questions just kept coming. Noel opened his eyes, but avoided eye contact. He shook his head slightly, hoping to get Andy to stop that way since he obviously wasn't going to let him get a word in. But then came the question he just couldn't answer. That he wasn't even sure what the answer _was_.

"Why didn't you take me on tour with you?"

Looking up then, Noel's eyes finally met Andy's. He was upset. He was frowning. His voice had gone from boisterously eager to quietly disappointed. Noel felt his heart drop. He really didn't have a good answer to that. It was just the decision he had made. Or rather, that his real self had made. He opened and closed his mouth, unsure of what to tell his friend, so Andy pressed on.

"You could have taken me. The actor who plays me was there. And you took other characters from the island. So, why did you not take me? I was in the warm-up shows. Was I not good enough on stage?"

"Andy, it's not tha-"

He was interrupted by the sound of a mug being slammed down on the counter and suddenly Smooth was in on the conversation.

"Yeah, actually, I could've gone as well. What's the problem? Why didn't you take us, eh?"

"Well, I dunno," Noel tried to stutter out a response, "There just wasn't really a place for either of you in the end, and besides, I needed someone to watch the coffee shop, didn't I?"

Andy seemed to accept this with a small nod, but Smooth had other ideas.

"Why not ask Dolly then?"

Dolly spoke up from the other end of the counter, "I don't work here, Smooth", not even looking up from her magazine.

"Yeah, see?" Noel relaxed, glad to have a plausible excuse, "She doesn't work here. Wouldn't know what to do."

"No-one even comes here! We've had no customers since the first couple of weeks you were gone."

"What, not even Terry?" Noel jerked his thumb at the picture of their biggest (only) fan behind them. But Smooth just shrugged it off.

"He never buys anything, though, does he? He just comes in, says "Best show ever!" an' off he goes. Anyway, he's hardly been here at all either."

"Alright, look, I just wanted to try something a little bit different, yeah? Y'know, let some of the others have the spotlight. You guys are always hogging the screen time round here."

"That's 'cause _you_ write the show that way!"

Noel was stumped by that. Before he could come up with something, though, Dolly had abandoned her magazine and come to stand between the three.

"Oh, just shut up, why don't you? Stop making such a fuss about it. Look at me, _I_ wouldn't have been able to go anyway, but I'm not getting all moody about it."

She shot both Smooth and Andy a sharp glare and they backed off and went back to work, but not before giving Noel their own equally sharp looks. Noel sighed and leaned against the counter as Dolly sat back down and picked up the magazine again. He watched her for a moment, unsure of whether or not to say something.

"… Cheers, Dolly," he said eventually, "You really helped me out there. I don't know how I could've stopped them."

"Yeah…"

Dolly wasn't really listening now. She was looking at something out the window, but when Noel turned to follow her gaze, whatever it was had gone, and Dolly was back to reading. He looked to the window once more, but there was no sign of anything unusual. Or at least nothing unusual by Painted Hawaii's standards.

Smooth and Andy wouldn't come around. Whatever Noel tried, they wouldn't speak to him, or Dolly, even if he did want to apologize. Neither of them paid any attention, and they had clearly agreed not to, judging from the fact that Andy would look hesitant and glance over at Smooth anytime Noel approached him throughout the day. Smooth wasn't finding avoiding and ignoring Noel difficult at all, but it proved harder for Andy, who resorted to locking himself in the cupboard in the end.

Closing time was drawing near and Noel was getting more and more irritated. Smooth had gone the whole day since their argument not speaking a word to him, still glaring at him whenever he tried to start a conversation. And on top of that, Andy was still in the cupboard. Occasionally, when everyone was quiet, they could hear muffled disco music inside and Noel assumed Andy had forgotten why he went in there in the first place and chose to let him be.

Dolly was sitting by the window now at an otherwise empty table, looking outside again. Her expression was uncharacteristically serious as she watched whatever it was she was watching, making Noel feel a little nervous.

And it only got worse when she turned to him.

"Hey, Noel, would you come over here? I need to talk with you about something."


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

This chapter's quite short, but don't worry, the next one should be a lot longer, things will really pick up then~

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

Once again, whatever Dolly had seen outside was already gone when Noel sat down opposite her.

"What's going on?" he asked, glancing outside but still not seeing anything, "What were you looking at?"

"I don't know," she said, clearly frustrated about something, "Just tell me, did you make any new characters before you came back from the tour? Or your real self, you know what I mean."

"Well, there was Steph and Gordon th-"

"No, no, I mean, like, a week before you came back."

"A week?"

Noel sat back in the seat. The headaches and that weird feeling had started a week ago. But there wasn't any new characters. He shook his head, frowning slightly. Dolly rolled her eyes and quickly looked out the window again before leaning closer across the table.

"Are you sure?" she pressed.

"Yeah, well, I think I would know, wouldn't I?"

"But then who are they?"

"_Who?_"

"These new characters!" Dolly looked him in the eye, completely lost and confused, probably for the first time in her life. She was supposed to be the one who was always in the know. She was supposed to know who was who and what the latest news was. "There are new people on the island, Noel! And no-one knows who they are!"

"Have you not tried talking to them or anything?"

"We've tried, everyone has tried, but they just ignore us. They completely avoid us. I saw New York Cop pull a gun on someone with green skin and a top hat half an hour ago and he just kept walking."

_Green skin. Top hat. A white ring and black winding lines…_

"… He's a terrible cop."

"Yeah. Yeah, he is… So you have no idea who they are?"

"Not a clue."

Dolly sighed and crossed her arms on the table in front of her.

"And there's more."

"More?"

"Yeah, _more_. There's…. I don't know what it is, but there's _something_ on the island. It might even be more than one. They started showing up around the same time, but these are just… _shapes_… These… _things_. Nobody can get a good look at them, though. Like, you'll be just walking around and you'll see something out the corner of your eye and you'll hear, like, a little laugh or this weird tinkling sound or something."

Noel's eye twitched and another throb of pain pulsed in the back of his head. He flinched and pressed a hand to the spot.

"Noel?" Dolly reached across the table but Noel pulled away quickly, "What's wrong?"

"It's just a headache. I'm still a bit worn out from the tour, alright? Look, maybe all these new characters and _things_ are just some… reaction or something, y'know? To me being away from the island. I created Painted Hawaii and I haven't been around so it's just going a bit wrong. It'll probably all be back to normal in a day or two."

"Noel, that doesn't make any sense."

"It's the only explanation," he stood up, "It's almost closing time, I've got to get Andy out the cupboard, okay?"

"Yeah, but Noel…!" But he was already gone. Dolly scoffed and turned back to the window, but her mind was working overtime. There was something wrong, not just with the island, but with Noel himself. Normally, he would have tried to come up with a plan to fix things, but not this time. And she was going to be keeping an eye on him.


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Here you go, friends! The real conflict starts here. And this is the longest chapter (so far, at least). Sorry if I failed at writing some characters...

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

Andy hardly acknowledged Noel at all when he opened the cupboard door and told him it was almost closing time, rather walking past him and going straight to Smooth's side to help in the usual evening routine. But Noel, strangely, didn't care. He had his own thoughts to worry about. Something Dolly had said still rang in his ears and an unfamiliar, yet familiar, image sat on the back of his eyelids, haunting him whenever he closed his eyes.

_Green skin and a top hat…_

There was no-one who fitted that description anywhere on the island, but still his mind was piecing together the rest of the figure as if it were a long lost memory.

Or someone else's memory.

_Green skin… top hat… a white ring around one eye… thin, white hair… Long, black coat… Old fingerless gloves…_

Bit by bit, the image came to life in his head, first surrounded by angular grey and black walls and barred windows, then in amongst trees in the dark, then framed by a doorway, rain pouring and lightening flashing beyond. All accompanied by the same pain that had been plaguing him for days.

The figure in his mind shifted and morphed, reshaping itself continuously. Black fur, soon replaced by white, then grey under a pressed blue suit. A mass of pink built up around it from the floor and melted away to reveal an ordinary man, two hats balanced on top of his head, and Noel felt both a stab of anger, and one of guilt. The hats folded in on each other and faded to grey as a thick, shaggy beard grew from the man's chin, his mouth stretched open in a manic, possessive scream, until the long hair fell away and left an old woman behind, the scream turning shrill and sharp. The woman shrank to the floor, her skin turning to blue and her clothes to black, the scream cutting off suddenly, before springing back up as a soft purple shape, then bursting into multiple hard brown shelled coconuts, which only rolled back together and dissolved into each other, a woman with sunglasses and a scarf around her head rising up. She took a drag from a cigarette and blew a puff of smoke and when it cleared, an old tramp in a shining, multicoloured cape stood in her place. The cape compressed against his body, the colours changing to glittering pink, blue and black, and the face softening to that of a young woman's, then everything crumpled to the floor, leaving a small, red crab, which scuttled away, out of Noel's mind.

He stood hunched over the counter, propping himself up on weak, shaking arms, his breathing hard and heavy. Smooth and Andy looked at him in confusion, but before either one could speak, Noel and pushed himself up and turned away. He caught Dolly's eye for a split second but quickly looked away. It had been her words that triggered this.

It was like he'd seen all those characters before, but these were not his memories. In the back of his mind, names were appearing and he subconsciously matched each one with a face.

_Bollo… Charlie… Kodiac Jack… Eleanor… Milky Joe… Sammy…_

These weren't exactly his real self's memories, though. He was involved, he must have been, how else would Noel be able to see these image? But they weren't really his memories. His head throbbed again but names and faces were still racing through it, filling his brain with another person's past.

_Vince._

The name didn't strike him harshly like all the others. The pain began to recede and he blinked a few times and shook his head, his breathing returning to normal. He looked up to see Dolly coming towards him, her face questioning yet comforting, but before she could speak, a voice came from outside the window.

"Eh… Noel?"

_What's he doing back here?_

Noel stormed straight past Dolly to the window, looking out to see practically nothing but a large, creamy white face.

"What d'you think you're doing? The tour's over, you're not on this show!" He was frustrated and sick of these interruptions and problems. And on top of that, now he remembered where the Moon_ did_ come from.

"Yeah, but, err there's some people here to, coming to see you… But they didn't know where to come to, so, like, they asked me. But I said "I ain't helping you find Noel, you ballbags" but th- oh, no…"

The Moon frowned as he slowly rolled around to reveal another face, grimy and grey.

"I did it! I helped them find you! Oh, they're gonna come in 'ere an- well, I don't know what they're gonna do, but I'll bet it'll be _delicious_!"

With a small chuckle, the Moon rolled over again, his lighter face looking frightened.

"W-was that 'im again? I don't like 'im. He's not very nice, is 'e? I don't think he should have gone on the t- Oh! Noel! They're here now! They're here!"

Noel stepped back from the window at the sight of the crowd making their way up the side of the volcano, pulling Dolly towards the counter with him, where Smooth and Andy already stood.

"What's going on?" It was the first time Smooth had said a word to him since their argument that morning.

"Just stand back and let me do the talking, yeah?"

The three of them looked at each but moved back behind the counter without question. They'd never seen Noel so serious. There was something unnerving about it.

There was silence for a moment before the door burst open and the mob of creatures entered, the faces among them now all too familiar to Noel. It was like he was carrying three peoples' pasts with him now; his own, his real self's, and Vince's.

A figure in a black cloak, a scythe in hand. A scruffy, mustachioed face under a mass of wild hair, a tiny door right in the centre. A frail old man with thin white hair, dressed smartly with a red blazer. Shining armour, perfectly coiffed blond hair and pure white wings. A young-looking golden-skinned man in a turban, holding a small pink alien, its tentacles waving and its grin wide. Noel's dread grew as he took in the sight before him. He remembered them now, and they had come to him. And at the head of the crowd, flanked on either side by scaly, and skeletal skin, was the one who had sparked the vision of memories.

A cruel, challenging grin on his lips, he slowly tipped his hat.

"Evenin', squire."

Noel felt his heart pounding and his thoughts raced, but he stood his ground, hoping the old Cockney wouldn't realise just how scared he was.

"What are you doing here?"

"Ya wanna know what we is doin' here, boy?" from beside the Hitcher, the Spirit of Jazz took a step forward, "Well, I'll tell ya. W- AGH!"

He dropped to his knees as the Hitcher's cane came into contact with his stomach. All eyes were on the spirit crumpled on the floor.

"'Ere, I'm in charge o' this little get-together," the Hitcher glared down at him, tilting the spirit's chin up with the end of his cane, "I don't want to hear one _peep_ outta you. You 'ear me, boy?"

"Right…" the Spirit of Jazz managed to gasp out, staggering to his feet and wrapping his arms around himself, "Sure… You're the boss…"

The Hitcher turned back to Noel and took a step forward.

"You want to know what we are all doin' 'ere, do ya?"

Noel took a step back, not daring to speak just yet.

"You want to know why we tracked you down to this very spot?" his grin twisted into an ugly sneer, "It's 'cause you abandoned us, my boy."

"But I-"

"Don't try to deny it, now. It won't work none."

"I couldn't hav- wait…" Noel scanned the crowd behind the Hitcher again. _Where…?_ "…Where's Vince?"

The Hitcher looked at him for moment, his expression unreadable, then he smiled eerily sweetly.

"You are Vince."

"_What?_"

"You're holdin' onto 'im. He's still in ya, even now. But you left the rest of us behind. You moved on, and you took that trendy, modern wanker with ya."

"That's not true. I'm not Vince. I'm _Noel_."

"Not true? Not true, is it? What about all this playing dress-up, eh? What about the fact you can talk to animals?"

"That's just the way I wrote it…"

"Is it, now? Well, it's also _just the way_ you wrote Vince. Ain't it?"

There was obviously no convincing him of this.

"Alright, look, I've not abandoned you. I've still used some of you lot. I still talk about you. People still love you…" Noel looked around for help, his eyes landing on the quiet creature at the Hitcher's other side, "… Gregg."

Old Gregg lifted his head at the sound of his name, looking up at Noel, nervous but hopeful.

"Just last year. You were onstage."

"Yeah," his voice came out quivering and slightly unsure, "Ol' Gregg got to see Howard again. We did a song together. I-"

The Hitcher swung his cane again and Gregg cowered away, only just dodging out of the way in time. He looked at Noel with wide, frantic eyes, silently pleading with him for something Noel couldn't understand, too concerned with the sudden throb of pain in his head, but the Hitcher moved in front of him, blocking him from Noel's sight, and jabbed his cane into Noel's cheek, forcing eye contact.

"Now you listen 'ere. You ain't been treating us fairly. You either let go of Vince, or you let the rest of us back in. An' don't think it's gonna be easy to get rid o' me. Now that we've found you, we won't be letting you go so easy. This island is our home now, as well," he turned to his followers behind him "You 'ear that? This is your home now. Go on! Clear off an' find a place to kip."

As the mob slowly trickled out the door, the Hitcher looked back at Noel.

"Y'know, lad, I don't suppose your old friend would be too pleased with you stifling your creations."

"… Friend?" He felt his temples pulse again.

The Hitcher gave him a wicked smile.

"Who d'you think started all this, boy?"

The door banged shut behind him.

… _Julian…?_


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Just a short chapter today, after the intensity of Monday's chapter. A bit more of the Luxury Coffee team~

* * *

><p>Chapter 4<p>

Dolly sat in her usual spot at the counter, scrolling through page after page of articles on her laptop that, really, she just didn't care about at this point in time. Every now and then, she would look away from the screen at the boys going about their work as if everything was normal.

The night before, Noel had been so shaken up by the mob of strange characters, he hadn't said a word after they left. He had stood leaning against the counter, his head in his hands, for what seemed like hours. He wouldn't respond to anything she, Smooth or Andy said, and eventually they just gave up. There didn't seem to be anything they could do for him, except leave him to himself.

When she had come into the coffee shop that morning, she could sense the change in the atmosphere. The place was almost completely empty again. Smooth and Andy were still acting cold towards him, but were now glancing warily at Noel every so often. Neither dared to try to talk to him, though. He probably wouldn't have answered them anyway. He seemed so distant, acting like he hardly even noticed they were there. He had met Dolly's eyes for a moment when she entered, but hadn't spoke to her, or even looked at her since then. She was growing more and more agitated by the minute, and by now, she could tell Smooth and Andy were, as well.

She slipped off her seat and moved to the other side of the room, not bothering to see if Noel would acknowledge her absence, knowing he most likely wouldn't, and gestured to the others to come over.

"What's the matter with him?" Smooth chanced a quick look at Noel as he came to stand beside Dolly.

"What do you think is the matter? It's those people that were here yesterday. He's obviously stressed out about it, and you two are over there just ignoring him like it's nothing. What, are you still angry he didn't take you on the tour with him?"

Neither one of them answered. Neither one of them met her gaze.

"Oh my _God_, you are!" She gave a small, disbelieving laugh, looking from Smooth to Andy and back, "I can't believe you two, that is _so_ selfish."

"Alright, look, I'm sorry…"

"Yeah, well, I'm not the one you should be saying that to. Why not go apologise to _him_? Then maybe we can get this whole thing sorted out."

They only looked at each other, shuffling their feet awkwardly, neither one wanting to be the first to break. After a moment, Dolly gave up and turned away with an exasperated groan.

"Fine, then, _I'll_ just go talk to him, shall I?"

She took her place back at the counter, watching Noel absent-mindedly sifting through the random items on the shelves, clearly trying to look busy and failing miserably.

"Noel."

He ignored her.

"_Noel_."

Nothing.

"_NOEL!_"

"_What_?!" He swung round, glaring at Dolly, "What d'you want? I'm busy."

"No, you're not, you're just fiddling around with things trying to look busy."

"I am, I'm just…" his voice wavered slightly, "Rearranging some… stuff."

Dolly looked on, unfazed, and he sighed and slumped forward onto the counter.

"Alright, I'm not busy. What do you want?"

"I want to know who those people were."

Noel's eyes dropped to the surface, to the right, over to Smooth and Andy, who were cleaning tables, then back to Dolly, but he said nothing.

"You told me you didn't know who they were when I asked you, but you clearly knew them when they came here. Why would you lie like that if you're not even going to try to cover it up?"

"I wasn't lying when you asked me, I didn't remember them then." He pressed a hand to his forehead.

"So, what, you just suddenly remembered them when they showed up?"

"Do we have to talk about this?"

"Well, you need to talk about it with somebody."

"_Why_?"

"Because it's not good for you, keeping it all bottled up like this, is it? You're getting yourself all worked up. Why not talk to Tony or Todd or something?"

_What about the fact you can talk to animals?_

"No. No way."

"But, Noel-"

"_No_. Not them."

"Fine, then, New York Cop."

"C'mon, he's no good. What would he do? He'd say they're all a threat to society and not want anything to do with them."

"… He's a terrible cop."

"Yeah. Yeah, he is."

"What about Joey Ramone?"

Noel went white.

"… Noel?"

His eyes were blank.

"_Noel_!"

"What?" he blinked, shaking his head, "Sorry. Err… No, not Joey. Definitely not Joey."

There was a pause while Dolly thought.

"Hey, what about Fantasy Man?"

Noel was about to say no, but then…

_I have been having the same strange feelings…_

"… Well?"

Noel bit his lip, his eyes down.

_There is something weighing on your mind, is there not?_

Slowly, he nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, alright. I'll talk to Fantasy Man."

Dolly gave him a small smile and pushed the phone towards him, already punching in the number as Noel picked up the receiver.


	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Mystery and confusion and maybe feels and is that a cliffhanger I see? Oh, look, it's Fantasy Man. Things are happening.

* * *

><p>Chapter 5<p>

A few minutes later, Noel was on his way to the portal to the Fantasy Zone. He had been reluctant to talk to Fantasy Man about the issue over the phone with Dolly breathing down his neck, and so arranged to meet him in private instead. He was trying to gather his thoughts as he walked and figure out what exactly he would say, but something was distracting him.

Every now and then, out of the corner of his eye, he would see shapes moving through the undergrowth.

_There's something on the island…_

Dolly's voice echoed through his mind. There was another rustle of leaves and Noel whipped around, only just catching what could have been a foot disappearing behind the trees.

_It might even be more than one…_

Another, harsher sound came from the other direction. Crunching, more like paper than leaves.

_Nobody can get a good look at them, though…_

Then, a strange, squeaky giggle in the distance.

_And you'll hear, like, a little laugh…_

Now that he was experiencing it for himself, it all seemed so much more familiar. It was bitterly nostalgic; the same feeling as when he saw _them_ walk into Luxury Coffee the day before. He wracked his brains trying to figure out the connection. It seemed so obvious, so clear, but just out of reach. He felt his head pulse again. Short and sharp. A passing thought. But the pain was almost dull by now, coming so often along with these thoughts.

_These thoughts…_

Always with these thoughts. What was causing the pain? But that question was interrupted by an enthusiastic, operatic voice.

"Ah, there you are, my good friend!"

Fantasy Man was stood beside the portal, his usual eager expression plastered on his face. As he strode over, Noel felt his stomach twist and another wave of nostalgia hit him hard. Although he had known Fantasy Man for years, the sight of him now was making Noel feel anxious. There was nothing different about him, no good reason for him to feel this way, yet the smile on his face and the glittering silver of the sequined hood he wore made Noel frown, the walls separating his own memories from the newer ones crumbling further.

"… Why is this only happening now?" he muttered under his breath.

"Hm?"

"It's just… You've always been a part of this world. I've always known you. So why am I only feeling like I've met you before _now_?"

"Ah, yes," Fantasy Man's smile shifted from cheerful to knowing, "I did wonder when you would realise."

"Realise what?"

"I am far more than I may seem, young squire," his voice was softer, quieter, and strangely more serious than Noel had ever heard, "My connection to the Fantasy Zone holds a greater meaning than what you may have initially believed."

"But…" Noel furrowed his brow in confusion, "I created you. How can you have some greater purpose that I don't know about? I _am_ you, aren't I?"

Fantasy Man only looked away, towards the portal. Noel placed a hand on his shoulder and forced him to turn back.

"Look, I know this isn't just the show. This isn't an episode, I didn't write this. I'm losing control here, things are happening without my say-so. Sandy," the name caught Fantasy Man's attention and his gaze locked with Noel's, "_What is going on?_"

Fantasy Man composed himself again before speaking, "There is certainly more to these events than meet th-"

"Right, fuck off with all the fancy medieval knight shit. I'm supposed to be in charge round here, yeah? And something's gone wrong with that. Just tell me what."

He was getting angry. He was confused, tired and almost always in pain, and he still wasn't getting any answers. Fantasy Man frowned at his language.

"The Fantasy Zone has been altered. A new portal has opened, to an old world."

"Well, who opened it?"

"You."

As if it were that simple.

"I've already told you, I have had _no_ part in this. Everything's going out of my control."

"Ah, but it was you. Your mind," his voice turned more serious than before, "I, too, have been having these strange feelings of familiarity thanks to our new arrivals to the island. I am the closest to you of us all. I sense that something has been triggered in your subconscious. A memory. The only question is what triggered it… or perhaps who?"

"… Julian."

Noel winced as the pain stabbed through his head yet again, pressing his hands to his forehead and breathing hard until it subsided.

"What ails you, squire?"

"Just…" the pain ebbed away slowly and Noel removed his hands with a sigh, "Just a headache. I'll be fine. But… thanks. You've been a big help."

As Noel turned to leave, Fantasy Man returned to his normal cheery self.

"You are most welcome! Farewell, my friend!"

Noel arrived back outside Luxury Coffee soon after, his mind a mess of questions and answers that didn't quite fit, and the creatures that Dolly had warned him about, that he had now caught a glimpse of for himself. Whenever he felt the headaches coming back, he pushed the thoughts away, forcing them out with Fantasy Man's words. He had to figure out what this new portal was. The new memories were patchy, with bits and pieces missing, still waiting to return.

He didn't notice the figure perched on the edge of the volcano only a few feet away as it carefully crept along the ridge towards him, until he turned around to find himself face-to-face with green, black and red, and a strong, damp smell.

"Hey there."


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

So who felt sorry for Old Gregg back in chapter 3? Well, here's some more sympathy and sadness for him, cuz we all love him, really, don't we?

* * *

><p>Chapter 6<p>

Noel yelped in surprise and jumped back, leaving Old Gregg looking a bit guilty.

"Did I scare ya?"

But Noel wasn't listening. He was looking around frantically; over Gregg's shoulder, over his own, across the bridge, down the side of the volcano.

"Where is he? Where's the Hitcher?"

"He ain't here. Ol' Greggory gave him the slip," at this, Noel relaxed slightly, letting Gregg speak, "I wanted to talk to ya about somethin'".

Noel tensed again. Was it a warning about the Hitcher? Or did Old Gregg know something about how the new portal had opened?

"… What is it?"

Gregg was nervously fidgeting with his skirt, not meeting Noel's eyes.

"… I-I had t-to sneak away..."

He stuttered as he spoke, shying away from Noel.

"… The Hitcher don't like us t-to t-talk to people here…"

Noel slowly took a step forward, looking at Gregg in what he hoped was a reassuring way.

"He don't understand, though. Old Gregg's got things to talk about. An' they don't understand."

"What don't they understand, Gregg?" Noel asked softly. Gregg's fidgeting was making him uneasy, but for whatever reason, he was clearly scared. Noel wasn't sure if he was scared of how he would react, for scared of what the Hitcher would do if he found out he had come here, but he was definitely scared.

"Love."

Noel felt his head pulse, barely noticeable this time.

"… I miss him."

Another pulse, pain setting in.

"I miss my Howard."

Noel winced at the sudden sharpness of the pain, but simply pressed a hand to his forehead, not wanting to concern Gregg.

"He said I would see him again."

"Who did?" His head still throbbed but Noel tried to repress it.

"The Hitcher," Gregg looked up at him, "He said he could get Howard back for me. But now he ain't gonna do it. No, sir, he don't even wanna talk about it. He doesn't care about Ol' Gregg. It's been so long since I saw him. Really saw him. Since the boat times. An' I tried t-to move on, but nobody comes round. Nothing ever happens back home anymore."

The pain dulled a little more. Noel could remember the lake, how serenely quiet and calm it had been. And he remembered Howard. He remembered leaving him alone. He remembered the dread he felt at the sight of his hat. He remembered how happy he was to find him again in the cave. He closed his eyes and let Vince's memories calm his aching head. He started to feel he could understand Gregg's desperation.

But then he remembered the shapes he had seen around the island, the sounds he had heard, and suddenly the pain was back. Still, it made him realise something.

"Are ya alright?" Gregg asked, taking a cautious step forward.

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

If the Hitcher and his followers were here…

"Listen, Gregg, I don't think _I_ can really do anything to help you."

And if he was right about the unseen creatures…

"But I have a feeling you'll get what you want eventually."

Then surely it was possible. Wasn't it?

Gregg looked at him, perking up a bit, and he slowly grinned up at Noel. But before he could say anything, Noel spoke.

"I'm not sure exactly how it'll work. I still don't understand everything that's going on," he looked back over his shoulder at the coffee shop, "And I need to get going. There's still some things we need to figure out. Next time you can get away from the Hitcher, come back here, and we'll talk."

Gregg hesitated and Noel sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder, trying not to flinch at the dampness of his jacket.

"It'll all work out, alright? Now get going, before he notices you're missing."

With a more eager smile and a nod, Gregg crept back along the edge of the volcano and soon disappeared from sight over the other side. Calming himself with a deep breath, Noel turned and went back inside.


	8. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Well, this is the shortest chapter so far. Just a little bit of Noel and Smooth for you. The next chapter will be a lot more exciting, I promise~

* * *

><p>Chapter 7<p>

Dolly, Smooth and Andy were gathered together around the counter, only to quickly break apart the moment they saw Noel enter the coffee shop. Dolly gave Noel a quick glance before she turned to her open laptop and Andy moved to start cleaning tables, giving Noel a short nod and what could have been a small, apologetic smile as he passed. Noel paused for a moment but Andy just went on with his work, and he continued towards the counter, where Smooth was waiting.

"Alright, Noel?"

His voice was nervous, and not quite genuine. Flat, and quiet, sparking another memory behind the breaking wall. With Vince's thoughts in the back of his mind, Noel felt he should be more careful, a little more cautious.

"Alright…"

Smooth looked down, the silence growing slightly awkward. He glanced over at Dolly for a split second before looking back at Noel.

"Look," he wasn't quite meeting Noel's eyes, but he wasn't looking away, "I'm sorry about all that tour stuff, y'know, I guess I was just taking it all too seriously…"

"It's fine," Noel answered when Smooth trailed off, "I suppose I can forgive you for that…"

He tried so hard to keep the memories at bay.

"_I think I might transform myself into a mighty hawk…"_

"_You're a punk, stay punk…"_

"_Don't mess with the occult…"_

"_I'm gonna have to turn my back on you…"_

"Smooth, did I ever tell you that you remind me of someone…?"

Noel watched for any sign of confusion, but Smooth only shrugged.

"'Course I do. We're brothers in real life, aren't we?"

"No, I don't mean that," he shook his head, leaning forward on the counter, "I mean-"

"What? Your _wife_?"

Of course. He wasn't sorry at all.

"_No!_ For Christ's sake, are you still going on about that?" he rolled his eyes, "I don't know what I mean. I just feel a bit nostalgic around you…"

"Yeah. 'Cause we're brothers in real life."

Oh, would you stop that?! Breaking the fourth wall…" he dropped his head onto the surface of the counter, "… Or maybe that would help," he still didn't look up. He didn't want to see how Smooth would react, "If you could just… be Mike. For a bit."

"Nah, I can't. I'm in character right now."

Noel looked at him, narrowing his eyes. Smooth didn't flinch. He just stared right back at him. Noel turned away with a heavy sigh.

"I feel like I'm going mental here."

"Really?" Noel turned back. Smooth seemed a lot more confident now. Back to his bitterness at the whole tour issue, "You work with a half-man-half-anteater hybrid and Andy Warhol in a coffee shop balanced on a volcano in a painted version of Hawaii that _you_ imagined up and you're only now wondering if you've gone mental?"

Noel glared at him, his worries about Vince's intruding memories forgotten, and Smooth continued to stare.

"Get back to work."

With a small chuckle, Smooth went to start cleaning the coffee machine, not noticing the look of pure anger Dolly threw at him.


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

More Vince's-memories-cause-intense-feels-and-physical-pain-for-Noel in this chapter~

* * *

><p>Chapter 8<p>

It had been a stressful day. After the news about the new portal from Fantasy Man, a desperate plea from Old Gregg and that failure to resolve his argument with Smooth, Noel went home that night exhausted. But when he was finally in bed, ready to sleep off the whole day, the memories attacked him in nightmares.

_Noel opened his eyes to find himself in a small room, filled from wall to wall, ceiling to floor, with mirrors of every shape and size. That bitter feeling of familiarity was niggling in the back of his head as he looked around, frozen to the spot by sheer surprise. Something moved in a corner, behind one of the standing mirrors and he forced himself forward by a few steps, tilting his head to see the pile of old, dark sheets and cloths there. Finding no threat, he turned around, looking for a way out of the room._

_Nothing._

_Trapped._

_There was a rustling of fabric behind him and he turned back as the mass in the corner slowly rose, revealing a leathery face. The creature held up a spray bottle and began cleaning the standing mirror he had stepped out from behind, muttering to himself as if Noel wasn't there. Noel slowly began to walk backwards, not taking his eyes off the strange creature. He knew he would only end up crashing into one of the other mirrors, but something told him he'd be alright._

'_Alright' might not exactly have been the best word._

_Instead of hitting the surface of the mirror, he slipped right through the frame, as if it were an open window, and he was plunged into darkness._

_He landed on solid ground amongst fallen leaves, surrounded by trees. Standing, Noel took a moment to catch his breath before he noticed the sound of footsteps moving through dead leaves._

_Close, but out of sight._

_Fast, but moving away from him._

_He took a few cautious steps, waiting to see if the footsteps changed, but they didn't. He kept walking, gradually picking up speed until he was running, chasing after the unseen person – or was another weird creature, like the one in the room full of mirrors? He spotted something white through the trees ahead of him. A person. The figure was definitely human in shape._

_He was distracted by a sound beside him and glanced down. Running alongside him was a small fox, a red hoodie covering him. The fox laughed – a high-pitched giggle – and looked up at him through bright yellow eyes. It looked ahead again, the laugh turning deeper._

_Cruel._

_Sinister._

_The fox ran on faster and faster and soon disappeared into the forest, along with the figure in white. Noel slowed a little as the world around him grew darker and darker until everything was black. That is, until he came to a large, blue door. A loud noise began to sound in the distance, building up until it was too overwhelming._

_Guitar music…?_

_The door opened and Noel was compelled through it, blinking as the light returned and a gust of wind blew sand into his face. He held up his arms, shielding his eyes, then lowered them again as the wind died down and another strange figure came forward. Its body was covered entirely in sandpaper and Noel flinched away as he heard a harsh buzzing sound and noticed the sanding discs on the creature's hands._

_He span around to go back through the door but it had gone, and in its place was a tall man dressed in lavish robes, his bald head adorned with a beaded crown of feathers. He held up a sword towards Noel, simply pointing it at him, steadily meeting his gaze. Noel felt his heart race and his breath hitched. Then the man pulled back his arm and swung._

Noel was shaken awake by three pairs of hands. He slowly sat up, placing his hand to his head once again and feeling sweat plastering his hair to his forehead. As he struggled to catch his breath, he realised he was on the floor beside his bed, with Dolly sat at his side and Smooth and Andy standing right behind her, and all of them looked concerned.

"What… what are you lot doing here?"

"You didn't come into work," Dolly explained, "It's way past opening time, Noel, you're never this late. And you weren't answering your phone or anything."

Noel glanced over at the clock beside his bed. _1:23_

"Since you have been acting quite strangely recently, we thought it would be best if we came to check on you." Andy chipped in. The first time he had spoken to Noel since their argument.

And they had all been worried about him?

Well, that was progress.

"Noel."

Dolly's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"You know, I think you should stay at home today. You've been really stressed out, take a day off. I'll help out at the coffee shop."

"No," Noel slowly pushed himself to his feet, Dolly standing with him, "C'mon, you don't work there. You said yourself. You can't go about weaselling your way in like that whenever you like. I'm fine, I'll go back with you."

He winced as another throb of pain hit him and he clutched his head. Dolly immediately pushed him back towards the bed.

"You're staying here." Dolly told him with a new air of authority, and with that, she turned and left.

Andy gave Noel an apologetic look and followed Dolly out. Smooth stood for a moment, Noel watching him in silence. He looked like he was about to say something, but after a moment, he just walked out after the others.

Noel turned over and tried to get back to sleep.


	10. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

This was a fun one. And an angsty one. I'm sorry. You'll know why by the end.

* * *

><p>Chapter 9<p>

Noel lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Since when did he take orders from Dolly? He was his own man, wasn't he? He could look after himself. But in the end, he knew she was probably right. About being stressed out. About needing to talk. About taking a break. There was too much going on. He had the Hitcher on his back, he'd promised to help Old Gregg and now he was beginning to put faces to the hidden shapes he had caught sight of around Painted Hawaii.

That nightmare had been filled with more memories.

Brief, unclear memories, but still memories.

And they could be important.

Couldn't they?

He closed his eyes and let the images into his mind again. He winced at the pain that accompanied them and pressed his head back into the pillow, trying to force it away, but to no avail. It dulled a little, but still remained.

He saw the places from the dream clear a day; the room full of mirrors, the forest, the desert. But then, when he began to piece together the creatures he saw, the headache came back and he sat up. Sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, Noel had to push himself to think of them again.

It was like a dam bursting. The walls were crumbling more and more and the memories came flooding in.

The creature made of cloths and fabric in his "Mirror World".

Mr Susan.

"_You must choose wisely, for there are over 17 mirrors in the Mirror World!"_

"_Mirror World? Not really a Mirror World, is it, it's more of a… small room."_

"_What? Well… No, it isn't large, but a mirror will make a room appear larger."_

He felt himself nod and the scene changed.

The forest.

… Home.

"_Who's there?"_

His own mouth moved.

Through the trees, the figure dressed in white came into view and Noel couldn't help but smile.

"_Vince! It is I, Bryan Ferry!"_

"_No way…! Bryan!"_

"_Look at you! Vince, my child. So many years have passed, but I knew you would return to the forest."_

Noel blinked away a small tear, but Bryan was gone in a moment, along with the forest, and he was left somewhere cold and damp, rubbish bags piled up around him. And the little scruffy fox dressed in red in the middle of it all.

"_Could you get out of here? 'Cause I've got to clear all this rubbish away."_

"_This isn't rubbish, this is my home. That hole that you crawled through is my front door, sir. There's a skateboard there, that's my transportation unit. This old peach, why, it's my hat, sir. Look!"_

"_Yeah…"_

"_Peach hat!"_

And that creepy, squeaky giggle. Noel's skin was crawling.

When the bags disappeared, he was back in a forest. Or… a jungle.

Except, he could hear the unmistakable sound of guitar music. He walked until he found the source – a small man with a wild, black afro.

"_You are searching for something, yes?"_

"_Yeah. How do you know?"_

"_I know all things."_

"_Basically, I'm looking for my mate-"_

"_Do not tell me! Perhaps what you seek… is inside yourself."_

"… _No, it's not."_

"_Damn, that… usually works…"_

He was soon hidden from sight by a cloud of sand, and was gone when it cleared, the sandpaper creature standing in his place.

"_I've come to sand you down to a pulp, cowboy."_

"_Why?"_

"_What? I am Sandstorm!"_

"_Yeah? So what?"_

"_Stop the talk, prepare for a chafing!"_

"_There's something wrong with you."_

"_No there isn't…"_

Sandstorm was breezed away again, sand and dust spiraling in the air and blocking everything until Noel found himself sitting on a rooftop overlooking the city, a clear night sky stretching above him.

But something felt wrong.

He was alone.

That is, he was alone until a man appeared in the roof window.

The Head Shaman.

"_Ah, there you are, you prancing kingfisher, prepare to die!"_

"_Yeah, look, mate, I'm not interested in your wife, we were just standing in a cupboard together."_

"_Just in the cupboard with an extreme sports model, I don't think so!"_

"_Honestly, I-I'm not interested in your wife, I'm in love with someone already!"_

"_The lies of a back-tracking worm!"_

"_I'm in love…"_

It was hours later when Noel stirred from the visions. Outside, he could see the sun was setting. He felt tired and weak. Confused. Breathless.

He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the heels of his palms into them.

Something was missing.

Someone was missing.

_He_ was missing.

But when would he come back?

Would he even come back at all?

Of course he would.

He had to.

He had promised Gregg.

He had promised himself.

Noel curled up under the covers. It seemed all the darkness had been let out and he feel asleep easily and peacefully.

He didn't see the dark shape outside the window.

He didn't see the window slide up only an inch or two.

He didn't see the little, black card that was slipped through the gap.

Not until the next morning.


	11. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

I'm really sorry for the lack of update on Wednesday, I was out all day and then I was busy when I got home, I didn't have the time to write. I _might_ manage an extra chapter over the weekend to make up for it. Now, here's some more Noel and Dolly for you, and more feels~

* * *

><p>Chapter 10<p>

When Noel returned to Luxury Coffee the next morning, he was hiding bloodshot eyes beneath his sunglasses. The boys did give him concerned looks when they noticed he wasn't taking them off, but Noel was Noel, and they couldn't be sure whether or not it was something to worry about with him. But eventually, they tried speaking up.

"You not gonna take those off?"

"It is not necessary to wear them indoors."

But Noel remained calm as he answered them.

"I don't tell you how to accessorize, do I? Just get back to work."

Once they had left Noel to himself again, he pushed the shades to the top of his head, rubbing his sore eyes, and took from his pocket the small black card he had found on his bedroom floor that morning.

_I'm Old Gregg._

Clearly Gregg's way of telling him he would be able to sneak away that night.

Turning the card over in his hands, Noel tried to figure out what he had to tell Gregg. The dream and visions were definitely relevant, although just thinking of them sent another bolt of pain shooting through his head, but there wasn't much else to go on. But then, Old Gregg could always have some new information. Maybe something he heard from the Hitcher?

The door opened and Noel looked up to see Dolly enter the shop. He quickly dropped his sunglasses back over his red eyes and pocketed the little card again as she took her usual seat at the counter and pulled out a magazine, catching a glimpse of the card.

"What's that?"

"It's nothing."

He turned to look at her, leaning forward on the counter and trying to look casual.

"… Why are you wearing sunglasses?"

"No reason." He smiled, a little uneasily, and shrugged.

Dolly scowled and snatched them from his face, too quick for him to react.

"Oh my _God_, Noel, you look terrible!"

"Oh, thanks," he rolled his eyes, "I feel so much better."

Dolly ignored his sarcasm.

"You were supposed to be resting yesterday!"

"I know, but-"

"What happened after we left?"

Noel faltered slightly. Would it be a good idea to actually tell her?

"Did you even try going back to sleep?"

At least she cared.

"What is wrong with you, Noel?"

She was the one who said he needed to talk about it.

"… I don't know."

Dolly blinked, surprised and a little bit confused.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. But I do know that whatever it is, it's effecting this whole fantasy world," he dropped his head in his hands, "Those people who came here, the nightmare, the weird shapes and sounds you told me about. It's all connected. It's all coming from the same thing," he winced at the now all-too-familiar pain, "But every time I actually try to think about I get these splitting headaches…"

It all just came pouring out, and Dolly sat there and listened. She probably wouldn't know what to do either, but at least she listened.

"… When I went to talk to Fantasy Man, he told me that there's a new portal in the Fantasy Zone, but he said it leads to an old world. And…" he hesitated and looked up at Dolly, but she was still listening, waiting for him to continue, "… I know things about that world. I _remember_ things about it. I wasn't the one who was there, but I have their memories."

"Noel, tha-"

"I _know_ it doesn't make any sense, but that's the way it is. I don't know how to explain it to you."

He looked back down at the counter. Dolly was silent. Of course she was, what could she possibly say to that? Noel sighed.

"Everything's going weird in all the wrong ways. Ever since the end of the tour."

"… I'll help," Dolly said weakly, "I mean, I don't know how I can, but I'll try to."

Noel smiled, and Dolly smiled back.

He reached into his pocket again and took out the card.

"That's what you were looking at when I came in?"

"Yeah."

He placed it on the counter in front of her.

"… _Old Gregg_?"

"When they came here, he was the one with the seaweed for hair and the pink tutu. He doesn't want to be working with them," he took a shaky breath, "I guess you could say we're looking for the same thing. So we're gonna talk. Tonight."


	12. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Sorry I couldn't give you that extra chapter over the weekend, but hopefully this one will make up for missing the one last Wednesday. I like this one. I've been waiting for this one. Here you go. Sympathy for the Hitcher. That's a thing I did.

* * *

><p>Chapter 11<p>

It was getting near to closing time when Noel looked up to see a shadow moving around outside the window.

_Gregg._

Perfect timing.

He quickly glanced over to make sure Smooth and Andy hadn't noticed the movement outside, then looked to Dolly, who was still sat at the counter. He nodded towards the window and she turned to look herself, giving him a short nod in return when she caught sight of the shadow just as it moved out of sight. Noel removed his apron and cap and hurriedly stuffed them into a shelf before heading for the door and slipping out.

He didn't immediately see anyone. Not even on the ridge of the volcano, where Gregg had waited the first time. He looked around, confused, but there was no-one in sight.

Figuring he must be keeping hidden, Noel moved towards the corner of the building.

"Gregg?" he hissed through the dark, "Gregg, you there?"

No response. He kept walking.

"Gregg?"

A few more steps. He reached the next corner.

No windows round that side…

"_Gregg?_"

His heart sank as he felt a gloved hand clamp around his wrist and he was dragged round the bend and slammed against the wall. The hand moved to his throat, pinning him down, and a cane was shoved under his chin. He struggled to breathe, his eyes wide as he instinctively shrank away from the Hitcher glaring down at him.

_A set-up?_

"I should've known I couldn't trust him…!"

"Oh, no, lad, I'd say you could trust that Old Gregg," he twisted the cane into Noel's skin, "Although you should know better than anyone that you can't, however, trust _jazz_."

"W-what…?"

"The Spirit o' Jazz, lad. Oh, yes. He's a right old git, that one, but 'e gets the job done alright. Caught Greggory sneaking off an' figured the 'ole thing out. Then slipped you Gregg's little calling card," he grinned, grimy, yellow teeth showing, "I warned you. You trying to take the easy way out? You trying to talk my boys into changing their minds, are ya?"

"I'm not tr-"

"Shut your trap," the Hitcher snapped, tightening his grip around Noel's neck, "You don't think too highly of us, do you? We're all old news, you ain't gonna waste your time with us no more. So you want to get rid of us. You've moved on from us, we're nothing but little jokes to keep the people coming back now, ain't we?"

Jokes. Not his jokes, but his real self's. The walls were falling, crumbling again. Memories.

No pain this time.

"It's not like that! I still talk about you," he managed to say, "I've used your song… I talk about playing you and the other characters all the time, and the fans still love you... They were dressing as you at the shows…!"

The Hitcher suddenly let go of him, still glaring as he gasped for breath, rubbing his neck. The old Cockney pointed his cane at him.

"None of that matters. It's still nothing but cheap laughs."

"But that's what I do, isn't it? Get laughs? That's my job! Cheer people up. Give 'em something to look forward to after a hard day-"

"An 'ard day? An' what would you know about 'aving an 'ard day, you ponce?"

"I've had plenty of hard days-"

"'Ave you, my boy?" he lowered his voice, moving closer to Noel than before and forcing eye contact, "You wanna try 'aving an 'ard life. A life of pain an' misery, of shame an' abandonment," he dropped his gaze, going quiet, almost wistful, "Losing everything I once 'eld dear to me ol' Cockney heart. An' all just so you could make a few jokes. All just to be nothing but a villain."

He took a step back, giving Noel some space, and looked down. Noel watched him for a moment, taking in his faraway look, his sagged shoulders, the change in his tone.

Another stream of memories came then, bringing with them the bitter feeling of guilt and regret.

"But… But in that episode…" he spoke softly and the Hitcher lifted his head again, "The last episode you were in. Eels. You were alright in the end. Weren't you? Past and future combining…?"

The Hitcher scowled and he slowly walked back towards Noel.

"That may be so, but you brought me back, boy. You brought me out onto that stage one last time, didn't ya? And I was all set to release my eels onto those crowds."

"But if you don't want this anymore, why not just stop?"

Looking Noel right in the eye, the Hitcher spat the words out.

"Because you made me this way, my boy. And you ain't given me another way out yet. No matter what you or your little fans do now, I was left as a villain. A villain whose whole life was treated as nothing but a joke."

Oh.

"… I'm sorry."

What could Noel do about that? He wasn't the _real_ Noel. He wasn't the one who could control these characters.

But then, he wasn't really in control of anything right now. Things were changing.

And maybe they would change for the better.

"… You might still get that happy ending, though."

The expression on the Hitcher's face told him he wanted to smile. He wanted to thank him. But that just wasn't what a villain would do. So instead, he simply nodded, and turned to leave.

"Wait!"

He stopped.

"I do still need to talk to Gregg."

He stood for a moment, his back to Noel, then just gave him a thumbs-up and kept walking.

Noel smiled to himself and made his way back inside.


	13. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Gregg's back! I like Gregg. He's fun to write. So who's ready for some more feels? This is actually as far as I've got with planned chapters. Don't worry, I have plenty of ideas, but I need to organise them into something vaguely story-shaped. Anyway, here you go, a bit of Noel and Dolly, a bit of Noel and Gregg~

* * *

><p>Chapter 12<p>

Noel was still tired the next day, but now he didn't bother to hide it. Smooth and Andy were showing a bit more progress, at least greeting him when they saw him. Dolly had asked him what happened the night before, but he decided to keep quiet about it. If he mentioned the Hitcher she'd only worry, and he didn't expect the man would want their conversation to be shared with anyone anyway.

He had managed to get through most of the day acting relatively normal. He was coming across a lot more relaxed than he had been, but inside he was buzzing with questions and, yes, memories.

He was barely paying any attention to the conversation he was having with Dolly, since it didn't really have anything to do with his current situation, and there wasn't any space left in his brain to think about much else. Not with two other minds occupying his head. He just kept talking, asking and answering questions, throwing in little comments, whatever came to mind. At least that wasn't too out of character for him – Dolly didn't seem to notice anything odd about what he was saying.

But she did notice _something_ slightly odd.

"… Noel, are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It's just, y'know, your voice sounds a bit weird. Are you still tired or something?"

"Wait, weird how exactly?"

"Well, like, your voice just sounds a little bit higher than usual. It makes you sound a bit younger."

_Younger?_

_You are Vince._

"Come on, I don't sound younger…"

"Yeah, you do," she grinned, "It's like you're going through reverse-puberty or something."

"_Reverse-puberty_?"

"I better get going," she said, looking at the clock, "I'm meeting up with Joey Ramone soon."

Noel didn't respond, he only shuddered at the thought of the plasticine punk.

When closing time came by and Smooth and Andy were gone, Noel hurried to close up the shop and waited outside as the sunset until he spotted the unmistakable form of Old Gregg edging towards him.

He was still as skittish and frightened as he was before, maybe even more so.

"How did you get him to let me go? He locked me up. He locked Ol' Gregg up but then he let me go and he said I could come here. He wouldn't tell me why."

"It doesn't matter, Gregg, he just did. Look-"

"It does matter. You could be working with him. You could go and tell him all o' what Ol' Gregg tells you. He'll get angry. He'll get angry and he'll hurt me. If he's gonna hurt me, I better hurt you first…"

He took a step closer, moving to grab Noel's arm but Noel quickly jumped back, holding his hands up.

"No, Gregg, it's alright. It's alright, he's not gonna hurt you, and I'm not gonna tell him anything. It's all sorted now. You're fine."

"… How?"

"Look, Gregg, we're here to talk about Howard," he was prepared for the throb of pain, but it still made him flinch, "Not the Hitcher."

Gregg perked up then.

"Can you get him back for Gregg? Can you bring my Howard back to me?"

"Not exactly. I don't think I can do anything myself. But there's definitely something involving him going on," he pressed a hand to his head, hoping to calm the pulsing, "I get these headaches when I hear about him, or if I just think about him. And… now I'm getting these nightmares and… _visions_ and I think something's happening. It's all got to be building up to something, and I think that something is Howard."

Old Gregg's face broke into a wide grin.

"I'm gonna get my Howard back…! We'll go back home, back to Black Lake. And we'll finally get married! Nobody'll ever take him away from me again. He won't leave me this time. I'll make su-"

"Wait, wait, wait, Gregg, listen."

Gregg looked at him, confused.

"You're coming on a little strong, y'know? You can't be so… forceful."

If the Hitcher was going to make a change, why not Gregg too? He deserved some closure too.

They all did.

Noel hesitated. He knew how possessive Gregg could be. He had to be careful.

"You've got a few things to learn about love, alright?"

"Like what?"

"Like, how you treat someone you love. You've got to listen to them. You've got to want them to be happy as well."

"I do want my Howard to be happy."

"So you have to pay attention to what _he_ wants… Even if it's sometimes not what you want, yeah?"

Gregg looked down. He was getting fidgety again. Nervous. Noel felt a stab of sympathy.

"… I don't understand. I don't know what to do."

Noel reached out and laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"You can learn."


	14. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Sorry for the extreme shortness of this chapter. This is kind of just filler, since I'm still trying to organise the rest of my ideas into some form of plan. But something does happen! It's not completely pointless!

* * *

><p>Chapter 13<p>

The weekend came by, which meant shorter hours at Luxury Coffee. Noel felt he needed to get away from the others, even just for a bit, and took the opportunity that came with the early closing time to go for a walk around the island. He kept his eye out for the Hitcher, Old Gregg and the rest of their clan, but they were clearly all keeping to themselves.

There was no sign of them.

And no sign of the odd creatures he had finally come to recognize.

The Hitcher was most likely staying away out of fear, or embarrassment, although Noel of course had no intention of shaming him in any way. As for the others, perhaps they were unsure of what to do without their leader around to order them about.

But he couldn't find a reason why he wasn't hearing the swish of Mr Susan's fabric or the Crack Fox's unnerving laugh. He was prepared for the headaches, more used to them now, and let the dull pain come as he wondered about them.

He was strolling around the island aimlessly, barely even realizing where he was going anymore, until he found himself near the portal.

Where Fantasy Man had just entered Painted Hawaii.

"Ah! Hello, my friend, so good to see you again! I am currently on a quest to learn more about these new-comers to our fair land. Have you seen any of them around today, by chance?"

"Actually, I haven't. They're all keeping out the way now, I think. But either way, you don't really need to be going on any quests right now. I already know who they are… Sort of."

"Oh," Fantasy Man seemed to falter slightly, but he soon composed himself, "Well, that is certainly good news. I must say, I was beginning to worry. The ones who have thus far been appearing as merely shadows are starting to gain more solid forms," Noel looked at him, his eyes wide with shock, "If you are aware of their identities, young squire, well, they don't seem so threatening."

Noel came closer to him, holding up a hand.

"Wait a minute, what do you mean 'more solid forms'?"

"I mean, those who we have only seen as passing images in the corners of our vision, or heard in the distance, are coming out in the open, as alive and as real as you or I."

Maybe that was why he hadn't seen them. Maybe they were avoiding him? Or avoiding the other residents of Painted Hawaii?

Or the other characters from their own world?

"Sandy. Have you seen any of them yourself?"

"Yes. I believe I saw a strange man in amongst the trees on the east side of the island earlier this morning."

"Right. Cheers, mate!"

Noel took off running towards the east side, leaving Fantasy Man looking lost and confused.

When he reached the densely wooded area there, he did find someone. Someone his dream had reminded him of. He let out a faint, disbelieving laugh.

"Bryan…!"

The man looked back at him with a grin.

"Vince!"


	15. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Another short chapter, sorry, but don't worry, the feels are there, I swear!

* * *

><p>Chapter 14<p>

Noel felt no need to correct him. The walls were crashing down and the memories were bending and twisting together. He happily stepped forward and hugged Bryan with a wide grin, nostalgia driving him.

The same dull pain, overshadowed now by the past.

"Ah, Vince, my child, how you've grown!" Bryan stood back to look at him, "Look at you! What a fine young man you have become. And you've changed your hair! It looks wonderful!"

Noel ducked his head a little and smiled, feeling smaller, younger.

"And this place…!" Bryan continued, "What is this place? This is not the forest where we once lived. There is sand on the ground and the smell of salt water in the air. Vince, where are we?"

"This is…" Noel looked around, then frowned. He stopped. "It's…" Memories, past lives, were mixed up in his head. The name appeared but faded again just as fast. He looked back at Bryan, "It's somewhere different."

Bryan only nodded, seeming to understand well enough.

"Of course, of course. Vince, tell me, did you ever find your friend?"

His friend.

"_I better get going. I've got to find my mate Howard. We had a bit of an argument and… I better go see if he's alright."_

"Yeah…" Noel let his mind wander, "Yeah, I did, actually…"

_The forest._

_The Hitcher._

_The darkness of the box._

_Then Howard's face in what little light they had._

"But…" he sighed, turning back to Bryan again, "I lost him again."

"So you are looking for him again?"

Noel hesitated.

"Vince? You are not looking? You must search for him, otherwise, how will you ever find him? You cannot expect him to just show up out of the blue!"

"But he will, Bryan, that's the thing. He's gonna come whether I look for him or not."

"How can you be sure?

"'Cause everyone else is showing up. So why not him, too?"

"You must at least try, Vince. This friend, he is important to you, yes?"

"… Yes."

"Then promise me that you will try."

"… I promise, Bryan. I will."

"Good. Now, I must go. I want to learn more of this strange place."

As Bryan started to leave, Vince's memories ebbed away with him, and Noel's mind cleared.

"Painted Hawaii," he called after him, "The island's called Painted Hawaii. And look out for Dondylion. I think you'll like him. He's a bit skittish though so watch him, yeah?"

Bryan turned back and waved, then disappeared again among the trees.


	16. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

OK, I'm really sorry I missed Wednesday's update again. I had some work to do... I think it might actually be easier for me to start just updating twice a week now? Mondays and Fridays? But to make up for that, I have come up with something brilliant that will perfectly lead the fic through the rest of my ideas and on to the ending, and here is the first hint of it. It's short again, but I'm proud of this idea~

* * *

><p>Chapter 15<p>

Noel was still feeling slightly shell-shocked after talking with Bryan as he continued his walk around the island. He had his head down, too caught up in his thoughts to care where he was going.

_Vince._

_He called me Vince._

It had barely registered with him at the time, but he had so easily slipped into the role.

_You are Vince._

It had happened so naturally. And talking to the man, he really had felt younger.

_You sound a bit younger._

And then those memories had completely taken over, even if it was just for a while. Painted Hawaii had disappeared from his mind.

When it became Vince's mind.

Things were really spiraling out of control now. He couldn't even begin to guess what would happen next. He could barely think straight anymore.

But then he bumped into Fantasy Man again and quickly composed himself. Or at least, he tried to.

He didn't stop walking, though. He only turned around to face him.

"Ah, Noel! Did you succeed in finding that strange vagabond, then, my friend?"

He didn't really slow down, either.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I did. Actually… he's kind of an old friend of mine…"

"Oh! Of course, excuse m-"

He was gone in a moment, still too preoccupied to let anything else concern him. His eyes were down again, his thoughts racing.

"_Vince!"_

Was the Hitcher right?

"Vince!"

_Wait._

That voice wasn't in his head. He stopped suddenly and turned round.

"Vince!"

Bryan was racing towards him, looking a little panicked, and even… angry. He came to a stop in front of him, catching his breath.

"Vince… I found him. I found… Dondylion. Who you said to look out for…"

"And…?" Noel felt his heart sinking.

"I told you… I told you that animals should not be kept in cages."

_Cages?_

"Wha- But Dondylion… He ain't been in a cage in about two years, not since he- What do you mean 'cages'?"

"When I went further into the undergrowth to explore this place, I came across a place filled with caged animals."

Noel stared at him. There wasn't anything like that on the Painted Hawaii he had created.

"Tell me, Vince, was that the 'zoo' you told me about when we last met?"

The zoo.

No way. That was just impossible. The characters appearing was one thing, but the zoo?

"Show me."

Bryan led him back the way he came. They moved quickly, Noel keeping an eye out for Fantasy Man and being sure to avoid him. He had to keep the others out of this for now, just until he knew for sure what was going on.

Then Bryan pushed aside a branch and Noel staggered back, shocked.

The Zooniverse.

Empty and abandoned, aside from the animals.

But still, unmistakably, the Zooniverse.


	17. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Sorry this is a day late, I had a bad headache last night so I went to bed early... ANYWAY! I did a long chapter! Finally! And this one was so fun. It's intense. I like intense scenes...

* * *

><p>Chapter 16<p>

He was hardly thinking at all, he just turned and ran, leaving Bryan confused. He chased after Noel but somewhere along the way, he lost sight of him.

Noel kept running. There was too much going on, he needed to get it out. He needed to talk to someone. Not Bryan, someone who would keep him grounded. Bryan knew him as Vince. He needed someone who knew _Noel_.

He slowed down, forcing himself to pay more attention to his surroundings. He looked around.

_Where is she?_

He kept walking, soon moving towards the Plasticine side of the island, where he finally found Dolly clearly just leaving.

"Dolly."

He ran over, grabbing her by the shoulders, making her jump. She opened her mouth to speak but he stopped her.

"Something's happened."

"Wait, something to do with those people?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "Just…"

He took hold of her by the wrist and pulled her back the way he came.

"Just come with me."

She followed him without any further hesitation. He dropped her hand and she kept running alongside him. He didn't look back at her, but he knew he could trust she was there.

"Noel?"

"Yeah?"

"Where did they even come from? What's with this whole 'old world' thing?"

"… It's a long story."

"But how can you remember things from there? How can you have someone else's memories?"

Noel stopped suddenly and turned around, causing Dolly to almost crash into him.

"Look, I'll explain all of that stuff later. Right now, I just need someone to help me. Just to listen to me and keep me from going insane."

Both of them were quiet for a moment, Noel giving Dolly a tired, pleading look.

"… Okay."

With a small but grateful smile, Noel turned and started walking again, Dolly following behind in silence until they arrived outside the Zooniverse.

Dolly was stunned for a moment, looking between the large letters of the gate and Noel, stood beside her. She stammered a little, trying to find the right words.

"Wh-what… Noel, how d- _Where did this come from_?"

Noel's eyes were transfixed on the gate, which was hanging open loosely, Vince's memories seeming to seep through them into his mind. He took a deep breath.

"This is from that 'old world' I was telling you about."

Noel slowly walked forward as Dolly watched.

"And you know that 'cause of that other person's memories?" she asked with a hint of sarcasm, which only made Noel look back at her, oddly angry.

"Yes," he turned back to the gate, "It's been years since we were here. I never actually knew what happened to it. We just packed up and left one day, an' never went back. Looks like there's just the animals left now."

He scanned the cages; he recognised them all, and a signpost pointed to the other eerily familiar enclosures. The Reptile House. The Jungle Room. Bit by bit, the images formed in his head.

Wait.

The animals…

_I found him. I found Dondylion._

_I told you that animals should not be kept in cages._

Noel craned his neck, trying to get a better look inside, before giving up and pushing open the gates.

"Noel!"

He ignored Dolly and ran inside. He knew this place. He knew the animals. He knew the enclosures and exhibits. He knew what he was looking for. He just didn't know where it was. He could hear Dolly's footsteps behind him, but she could figure out her way around herself. She'd find him. He had more important things to worry about.

He reached the farthest corner of the zoo and slowed down, looking left and right, from cage to cage, until he heard a cheerful voice.

"Alright, there, Noel?"

He turned to see Dondylion standing behind the bars of one cage, his hand raised in a casual wave.

"Look at this!" he laughed, holding out his arms, "I'm in a zoo again! I'm back in the zoo!"

"Yeah, I can see that…" Noel watched him nervously.

"I dunno how it happened. It just sprung up around us while I was playing some football with Ravi over there."

He pointed to the cage opposite and when Noel spun round, sure enough, there was Ravi standing with the ball under his arm, looking lost. Noel looked back at Dondylion, seeing his face had dropped slightly.

"Not sure how the game's gonna work now, actually…"

He perked up again in an instant, clapping his hands together.

"But we're back in the zoo! Look at this, look at what I got right 'ere, an actual rock," he began circling around it, his laughter turning a little less enthusiastic, "An actual big rock. Didn't have one of them before, did I? All bleedin' coming together, innit? All bleedin' coming together…"

Noel carefully edged closer to the bars as Dondylion roamed around his new enclosure.

"It's great! It's like I'm getting another chance, yeah? 'Cause last time," he laughed again, "Last time didn't go so well, did it?"

The pitch of his voice was rising more and more.

"It didn't go so well for me. Maybe 'cause I was trying to get out."

He was getting closer, the words slipping out through clenched teeth.

"I tried to get out. 'Cause I didn't like being in the zoo. _I don't like being in the zoo, Noel!_"

And by now, he was completely hysterical.

Catching Noel off guard, he desperately reached out through the bars and grabbed his wrists.

"_Help me!_"

Noel panicked. He wouldn't let go, and he was screaming. Struggling against his grip, Noel tried to calm him. But it was hard to be calming when he was so frightened.

"It's okay, it's okay, I will, I'll help you!"

"_Get me out of here!_"

"Alright, alright, just _let go_!"

It was then that Dolly finally caught up with Noel, and when she saw what was happening, she immediately tried to prize Dondylion off.

"_Please!_ I don't want to be in a zoo again! I don't want to be in a zoo…!"

He loosened his hold on Noel, tears starting to stream down his face, and Dolly managed to pull Noel away.

"I don't want to be in a zoo… I-I don't want to die again…"

Noel took a cautious step forward again, this time being sure not to get his hands anywhere near him.

"You won't," he spoke as soothingly as he could, "You won't, Dondy, it's fine, you'll be alright," he looked around again, "I'll do something about this."

Dondylion nodded, letting out a small sob and curling up on his rock.

Dolly placed a hand on Noel's shoulder and he looked up at her. She jerked her head back towards the gate and with one final look back at Dondylion, Noel followed her out.

"So…" Dolly said as they passed through the gate, "Do you have any idea what to do now?"

"Not a clue," he looked back with an almost guilty expression, "I'm not entirely sure what's going on anymore."


	18. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

I'm really sorry my update schedule's been a little off lately but I'll be back on track soon, I promise. And I will just be updating twice a week now, probably, Mondays and Fridays. Anyway, this was a pretty fun one to write. Feels. Memories. Past lives. Bryan Ferry. Yea.

* * *

><p>Chapter 17<p>

They walked in silence for a short while, neither of them really sure what to do or say. They both knew things were getting more and more out of control, but it didn't look like there was anything they could do to bring things back to the way they were before. The changes seemed irreversible, the characters weren't going to leave.

"You know, Noel," Dolly suddenly broke the silence, "If I'm going to help you with this, maybe you should tell me a little bit about this other world."

Noel avoided her gaze. It still felt strange to talk to her, his best friend (and ex-girlfriend), who he had known for practically his whole life, about his past life. Like he was telling her that she didn't really know him as well as she had thought. Like she didn't know him at all.

"Noel, you have to tell me something. I've got _nothing_ to go on."

He was looking everywhere but at her.

"Oh my _God_, Noel, you're being so stubborn! You're such a child sometimes. This isn't just about you anymore. Dondylion is in a cage again. What's going to happen next? Is New York Cop going to be arrested? Is Joey Ramone going to get… launched to the moon?"

"I don't think he'd appreciate that," Noel said, still looking down, "Could get… stuck in his eye, or something…"

Dolly threw her arms up in exasperation and turned away. The silence returned, thick and suffocating, until Noel spoke up.

"I suppose I could tell you… a bit about it…"

She looked back at him. He was still looking at his feet, and he seemed sort of… small. Like a lost child. _Younger._

"Okay. That's a start."

She stood beside him again, waiting, and after another moment of quiet he began.

"It was another show. That… That my real self did a few years ago. He played a lot of different characters in it as well, just like this one, and they were the ones who came to the coffee shop. But his main character was called Vince Noir. And Vince was pretty much just me. Maybe a little bit over the top, but he was still _me_. And now I'm remembering everything Vince did. Everything Vince would have remembered."

He paused, finally lifting his head and meeting Dolly's eyes.

"Vince was the only one of my old characters that didn't come here. They said it's 'cause I _am_ Vince. 'Cause I've still got Vince inside me."

"So why haven't they come here before?"

"I don't think they could. I mean, my real self was still always thinking of them, an' talking about them, but _I_ was just living my life. _I_ didn't really know about them. But then while I was on the tour…" The pain was setting in. "His friend came to one of the last gigs. The one he made their show with. And I guess everything just came rushing back to him. That must have been how the portal opened."

"… When was that?"

"About a week before I got back."

Dolly nodded, sighing softly.

"Of course. That explains it. So what's up with the zoo?"

"That's where we… where Vince an' his mate used to work. First series. I guess the memories are manifesting here now. A little bit more everyday."

Before Dolly could respond, Noel heard that voice calling out again.

"Vince!"

Dolly gave him a questioning look.

"Yeah… It looks like the characters m- _his_ mate played are appearing now as well."

Bryan came hurrying through the trees, stopping when he saw Dolly with Noel.

"Vince! There you are, what happened? Why did you run off like that?"

"Well… I just wasn't really expecting an entire zoo to pop up out of nowhere…." he looked at him a little awkwardly, "This is my friend Dolly, by the way, Bryan. Dolly, this is Bryan Ferry…"

Bryan stepped forward, offering his hand to Dolly to shake. She took it, but looked between them sceptically.

"… _Bryan Ferry_?"

"Yes. Vince lived with me and my animal friends in the forest as a boy."

"The _forest_?"

Bryan nodded.

"Oh, come on, you don't look a _thing_ like Bryan Ferry."

His expression went blank and his voice dropped.

"Yeah, what's your point?"

Noel pressed a hand to his temples as another pulse came, placing his other hand on Dolly's shoulder and steering her away.

"Look, Bryan, we've got to get going so I'll see you later, yeah?"

They were gone before Bryan could say anything.

"So, Vince was raised in a forest by Bryan Ferry?"

"Oh, like that's any weirder than what goes on around here."

After a few minutes of walking, Dolly stopped Noel again. She was quieter now, a little more thoughtful.

"You remember a couple of days ago when you were talking to Smooth…? When you said he reminded you of someone."

Noel gave a small, nervous nod.

"Someone your real self's brother played? In that show, where Vince and Bryan came from?"

He nodded again.

Now Dolly was the one nervously avoiding Noel's eyes.

"Was I-" she stopped, "W-was Andy there too?"

"_Are you supporting us tonight?"_

"_Everyone's looking back, not forwards. You got to get with the programme."_

"Yeah."

Another pause.

"… Was I there?"

"_Where do you think you're going?"_

"_I'm an extreme sports calendar model."_

Noel closed his eyes. That memory was going further than necessary, and the headaches were starting again.

"… Yeah. Yeah, you were."

Dolly was about to ask something else, but Noel was quick to interrupt her.

"But I don't remember much about that."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Of course he remembered. Vince would never forget that night, and neither would Noel.


	19. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Wow, this is really late, I'm sorry guys. Still trying to get back on track with this. ... I'm not entirely sure what to say about this chapter, so, uh, enjoy, I guess~ Bye

* * *

><p>Chapter 18<p>

After all that had happened that day, Noel was a little bit wary of telling Dolly anymore about Vince. It felt wrong to talk like he was someone else, but at the same time he fell into the role so naturally.

Maybe the Hitcher was right.

Noel or Vince, Vince or Noel, whoever he was, he didn't want to just reveal everything to her at once. The present was gradually becoming the past, and he would let it reveal itself in its own good mystical time.

When he woke the next day, he was already feeling anxious. He needed to keep a closer eye on what was going on around Painted Hawaii, and that could mean searching the entire island, daily if he needed to, for any new changes, any new arrivals. But he should have known better than to think that would go smoothly. It was impossible to do anything in this world without someone or something interrupting, and it wasn't long before Noel heard a police siren behind him. With a sigh and a roll of his eyes, he turned around, opened the door of the car and climbed into the passenger seat without question.

"What d'you want, Raymond? I'm busy."

"Busy? Well, so am I. I'm busy trying to track down these goddamn freaks ya got running around now. Where'd ya get these shmucks from, huh? They got no respect for the law. That one guy, the old guy with the green skin, he didn't even care that I was gonna shoot him. He just kept on walkin'. No respect. What are ya trying to do with these guys, anyway?"

"Well, it wasn't really a conscious decision to bring them here, was it?"

"… What do you mean, 'it wasn't a conscious decision'?"

"I mean, they came here on their own."

"Oh, yeah? And what about that zoo? I suppose _that_ just came on its own as well?"

"Yeah. It did. Look, the characters aren't really doing much harm, are they? So how about you just let me deal with it, yeah?"

"Now, as an officer of the law-"

"What law, exactly?"

"Uhh…"

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

With that, Noel climbed out of the car, slamming the door behind him.

_He's a terrible cop._

New York Cop wasn't really much to worry about, but if he was trying to get himself involved in this, who was to say the others wouldn't? Dolly did say that they'd all seen them around the island before he got back from the tour, so they _knew_, at least. He quickened his pace.

As he roamed the island, he spotted a few of the old characters, piecing together the names and memories from both Vince and his real self. The Grim Reaper, Barry, Tony Harrison, Spider Dijon, Montgomery Flange. Not disturbing anyone. Not being disturbed. Everything seemed fine.

But there were three certain characters missing, and there was something unnerving about that.

He did feel he could trust Gregg by now, and he was at least cautiously optimistic about the Hitcher's desire to change, but the Spirit of Jazz could still be a problem. There was no telling what he could be up to.

Then Noel turned a corner and was met with his black-and-white skeletal face. He jumped back, but the Spirit remained where he was, although his smile was a little eerie.

"Hey, hey, no need to worry, there, boy. We gots orders from the boss man not to hurt ya, though I can't quite understand why he'd make that particular request. What'd you say to him, huh? How'd ya get him over on your side?"

"That's between me an' him, ain't it?"

The Spirit was clearly shocked by that.

"Is it now?" he hissed, creeping closer, but Noel stood his ground.

"Yeah. So clear off. I'm not telling you anything."

With no response, the Spirit sulked away as faint guitar music faded in from nowhere.

_Wait…_

That wasn't jazz. That music had nothing to do with the Spirit, but there was something painfully familiar about those chords. The player began picking out a more complicated tune, echoing more memories behind the crumbling walls.

As Noel followed the sound through the trees, he grew more and more anxious.


	20. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Still not doing so well with the update schedule, I know, but I did get something done! I'll try get 3 chapters done this week, to catch up

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><p>Chapter 19<p>

As he moved deeper and deeper into the undergrowth, Noel began to recognise his surroundings and soon the plants of Painted Hawaii gave way to a more wooded setting. The forest seemed so familiar, another remnant from Vince's past. When he figured out where he was, Noel shuddered at the memory, but the atmosphere was calm and quiet. There was no sign of any danger.

No sign of the yetis.

No sign of Kodiac Jack.

But he could still here music.

He felt his heart thud when he came to a small clearing where a lone cabin stood and he paused for a moment. Taking one last quick glance around, particularly in the direction of what he remembered as Piney Ridge, he opened the door and stepped inside.

Just like the zoo, virtually nothing had changed, but it was clear that no-one had been here in years. He walked around the room slowly, the floorboards creaking beneath his feet and the lifeless eyes of the animals staring at him from every angle. There wasn't anything or anyone there to harm him, he knew that, but Vince's time in the cabin had been a mixture of boring and terrifying, and Noel felt those emotions seeping out. Nothing but negativity here.

But he knew that this meant something. The people were showing themselves, and now the places were, too.

The guitar outside was suddenly drowned out by a menacing chuckle, gradually growing into a possessive cry. Noel whipped around but saw nothing. All in his head. All just the past life behind the collapsing wall in his mind. But it all seemed too real. The scene played out in his head so vividly but it came to an end with the relief and satisfaction Vince had felt as he clamped the straighteners around Kodiac Jack's nose. Nothing else. The image faded, no knight-in-shining-tweed-utility-suit bursting through the door. Not this time.

He was stirred from his flashback by the sound of the guitar music getting louder – coming closer. Noel quickly made his way back to the door and peeked outside, trying to keep out of sight.

Strolling through the forest was a single figure dressed in a long purple robe, his wide, black afro adorned with a small blue door, and his red guitar held lovingly in his hands. He strummed one last time then turned to look right at Noel.

_So much for staying out of sight._

"I have been looking for you."

Noel stepped out and approached him.

"What for?"

Rudi blinked in surprise.

"Do you not want to know who I am, or of my many names?"

"Yeah, I've already heard your 'many names', alright. Why were you looking for me?"

Rudi continued on in his more mystical tone.

"I know you are searching for something."

"Well… Not so much 'searching for' as 'waiting for', really."

"Well then," Rudi snapped, "Perhaps whatever it is that you are _waiting_ for is within yourself."

Noel looked at him for a moment, then shook his head.

"No, I don't think it is this time any more than it was last time, Rudi."

"Hm," he glanced down, "… I thought maybe it would be different thi- Never mind. I have something for you, anyway."

Now, that could go a number of ways.

"… What exactly?"

"See for yourself."

With a small wince and a grunt, Rudi's door opened. Noel came forward and a hand reached out, giving him a folded up sheet of paper.

"I believe this is yours." Rudi nodded at the paper as the hand retreated back inside and the door closed. He turned and walked away without another word, his music once again filling the silence.

Noel carefully unfolded the paper, expecting some sort of cryptic message or maybe a letter, but instead he found a picture. One he could remember drawing himself.

Well, not exactly himself.


	21. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer **- I don't own Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy, The Mighty Boosh or any characters involved. Copyright to Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt.

Should I even bother trying to stick to a schedule anymore? I don't think it's working... I only have one more week at uni, I might be able to keep the updates regular over the holiday. Anyway, Noel is getting very frustrated now. And that makes for a good story

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><p>Chapter 20<p>

Back home, Noel lay on his back in the middle of his bedroom, staring at the paper he held above his head, and the Plan Pony stared back at him, silent and unmoving.

Rudi must have given it to him for some reason, right? It had to mean something. Of course it meant something. Unless he had only seen it as returning Vince's drawing to him…? No, Rudi was a psychedelic monk. He was also spouting some sort of mystical nonsense, that was the whole point of the character. He was supposed to pass on great wisdom, even if he wasn't always so good at it.

So shouldn't the Plan Pony be telling him what to do? That was the point of _this _character, wasn't it?

"Oh, this doesn't make any sense…" he muttered, dropping the paper on the floor beside him, "This isn't going to work."

But then, Vince has _asked_ the Plan Pony to help him. He didn't just expect it to know what he wanted or what the problem was. Noel picked up the paper again, turning himself over and kneeling on the floor.

"Plan Pony, what's happening to the island?"

The drawing shifted a bit, the mouth opening just enough to let out a small whinny.

"Come on, what should I do?"

"You have to go home, Vince!"

Its voice was strangely rough. Clearly, it hadn't spoken in a long time.

"What?" Noel frowned, "I'm already home."

The drawing shook its head.

"You need to retrace your steps and go back home. This ain't your home, Vince. You got lost."

He didn't realise he was answering to that name again until the last minute. He was still letting this happen, letting himself fall back into an old character. Ignoring the Plan Pony's braying, he crumpled up the drawing and threw it off into a corner. He stood and left the room without another thought, not hearing the weakened voice muffled by the creased paper.

"Follow the fox."

He let the door slam shut behind him as he hurried out. His head was buzzing with thoughts and memories and questions, and he was desperate to clear it all away.

Avoiding anyone else, whether they were from Painted Hawaii or not, Noel searched for somewhere quiet to think. Somewhere isolated. He kept well away from the zoo and the cabin.

But, for a moment, he forgot the possibility of something else appearing where it shouldn't be. He soon came to a signpost that, although he'd never seen it on the island before, he knew full well what was coming next.

WELCOME TO BLACK LAKE

_Shit._

He started running. To the pub first – The King Prawn's Head – but there was no-one there. He was starting to sense a pattern. The whole place seemed pretty much abandoned, just like the Zooniverse and Kodiac Jack's cabin.

Outside again, Noel stood at the water's edge. The sun had set by now and the whole scene looked just as he remembered it. As Vince remembered it. The lake seemed like nothing but a reflection of the night sky, like the stars had fallen to the ground. It was calm, still, peaceful.

He stood there for a while, and soon the atmosphere changed. A light fog rolled along the surface of the lake, rising and spreading, engulfing him, and he heard disturbance in the water. The fog blocked his vision and when something broke the surface and pulled itself onto the shore, he jumped back in fright.

Then the fog cleared, and Noel suddenly felt a bit self-conscious. He should have seen it coming, really.

"I'm Old Gregg!"

"Yeah, I noticed."

Gregg was grinning madly as he gestured towards the lake.

"It's Gregg's place. Gregg's home. My home is here now," he said excitedly, creeping closer to Noel, who only moved away from the still sopping-wet man-fish, "Look, I can bring Howard back here," Noel flinched at the name, "An-and we can live together, all nice 'n' cosy, and I'll learn how to love him right, just like you said."

"… Will you?"

Gregg nodded, his wide grin becoming a shy smile.

"I will. We'll be happy together. An' I'll listen to him, even when he says something Old Gregg don't like. We're gonna be happy."

"Gregg…" Noel paused. This was a delicate situation. Gregg could be unpredictable, "… That's not exactly what I meant when I said to listen to him, alright?"

Gregg's smile dropped.

"Then what did ya mean?"

"I mean… Maybe he won't _want_ to live here."

"Why not?"

"Well," he pressed a hand to his head, "Maybe he, err, found someone else…?"

"Someone else?" Gregg came a little closer, a violet glint in his eye making Noel stutter.

"I-I'm not saying there _is_ someone else, y'know, just, like, if there _were_ someone else, and' he was happy with them and n-not… you… well, then, you'd want him to be happy, yeah? So you'd let him stay with them. Wouldn't you?" his voice cracked slightly with fear.

"You're sayin' my Howard might not want me no more?"

"_Might_ not, yeah."

Gregg seemed to shrink back at the thought. He looked down for a few seconds, making Noel worry.

"… Alright. But he better still come to see Ol' Gregg, even if he did find somebody else, 'cause Gregg still loves him. I wanna see him."

Noel let out the breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding.

"That's good. That's good, Gregg."

"I'll be good. I'll be good to Howard."


End file.
